Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
