i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
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Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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