Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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