Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
