it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
