You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
