My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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