i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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