there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
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I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
not ubering you a puppy
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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