I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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