I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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