He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
