they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
