My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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