Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
