Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
