Got a toothbrush?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
