so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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