I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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