he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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