I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Holy sore nipples Batman
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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