I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
