If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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