Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
