you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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