Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
