so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
