i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
