I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
