i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
