if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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