He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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