I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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