Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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