she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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