Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
