Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He did a backflip because drugs
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