He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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