I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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