I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
