We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
