Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
