I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
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