dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
