He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
