I cannot find my penis.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
