This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
