i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
