I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
