yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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