remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
