I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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