My room smells like vodka and shame
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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