He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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