That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
