kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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