I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
