She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Your penis caused this!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
