Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.

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(214): View more from Texas

One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?

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(503): View more from Oregon

She wants to have naked weekends

(541): View more from Oregon

They call that free range vagina in France

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?

(910): View more from North Carolina

you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.

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(716): View more from New York

Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.

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