I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
