Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
