call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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