My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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