Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
